Tuesday, March 10, 2009


When I sit for too long without anything to do I think too much. Work has been so slow lately so this happens quite a bit. I try to do my homework when I don't have anything else to do but I just feel unmotivated. I hate my online class. Its English 1050 and we talk about the most random stuff and my teacher makes us write papers on the most pointless things. Its frustrating because I am not good at BS'ing. It feels like there is always something due, whether its a discussion, a response to a discussion, or a paper. Thankfully its almost over and at least it takes care of two credits instead of one. My other class is pretty pointless too... its more like social hour and alot of the kids in that class drive me nuts. They are all very loud and obnoxious and Im about to punch anyone of them in the face one of these days... Somehow I am not doing very great in this class. The last assignment we did I only got half credit and all we had to do was turn in a resume! My dad thought it was good but my teacher thought differently. Now I'm self conscious about my resume! ug...
I often wonder if coming back to my office manager job was a step backwards in my life. I was actually thinking that "office manager" might even be a glorified title. I help with payroll and stuff... but I don't have all the responsibility for it. I really just do alot of filing, errand running, opening and entering the mail, and answering the phones, along with cleaning the office when needed. I feel like I am capable of so much more. I love having responsibilities. I really enjoy the flexibility and that my boss is like a buddy, but I don't feel like I'm at my full potential. Before Travis hired be back on here, I had the opportunity to be a administrative assistant for Verizon Wireless as a temporary job. I would have been paid $15 an hour!! where as now I am only getting paid a dollar more than I was when I was here almost 2 years ago and not to mention my hours have been cut! At that time I felt like it was a better choice to choose the job that was going to be more long term rather than temporary, but I often wonder what might have came from that short experience. If I might have been able to find a job with ALOT more responsibility and pay.... Who knows. But I hate living my life off of "what ifs". But the lesson learned might be that sometimes I need to take chances instead of the safe way out.
I am just antsy to get things done and move on to bigger and better. There are SO many things I want to do with my life and not much of it is happening at the rate I would like it too. I have been wanting to go to Esthetics school for a few years now... but have yet to actually go. The plan is to go once I get my Associates degree which should be by the end of this summer. I am working on finishing my Associates degree, yes, but I should have been done already if I hadn't taken so many breaks. And not to mention Esthetic school is on the pricey side. I want to start getting into my photography and actually get my own camera! I would love to take a photo class at school but you usually have to have your own camera... but they are expensive. I really would love to teach kick boxing or teach tumbling to little kids... I don't know why I haven't pursued
these more. My own fault I suppose.
I just hate being unproductive. And I have just been feeling this way the last little while since my hours at work have been cut, and then my evenings aren't that eventful, especially if Ryan is working. Life of a grown up I suppose. Thanks for listening (or reading) to my whining. :) I'm probably just thinking too much.


Lindsay said...

I know how you feel sometimes...I hate feeling like I'm not fulfilling my full potential. I have felt like that a lot lately. I feel like I got a bachelor's degree for nothing - I could be making so much more money but I'm not. And with my little guy at home, it's hard to work on projects or achieve goals that I once had. So I know how you feel! It's pathetic. But I do think that everything happens for a reason - so hopefully everything will work out okay for you! Hang in there! And good luck with everything!

Taylor and Natalie Hathcock said...

I know what you are saying. I don't like it when life feels like a stand-still. I feel that way often. Oh by the way the photographer we used for our wedding was called livingartdigital. it's livingartdigital.com you should look it up they are awesome.

Brittany and Dallin said...

Ness you aren't alone. I think a lot of it just has to with the stage of life we are all in. It's kind of just stagnant right now... can't move forward, but don't want to stay where we are. Things will change for you soon, but it definitely comes from you taking the first leap. I should probably listen to my own words because change is something I could use greatly right now! Hope things get better!